Care-experienced teacher urges more people to foster as he recalls childhood neglect and the carers who changed his life
A MAN who spent his childhood in foster care has spoken about the harsh reality of growing up in a home affected by domestic violence, crime and drug misuse, and how foster carers helped transform his life.
Sam Gardner, now 33, says his earliest memories are marked by neglect and uncertainty, including being so unsure about when he would eat again that he would rush through every meal.
“At the age of three, I ate every meal as fast as I could,” he said. “It took months for me to realise and understand that food would come again.”
Sam, who grew up in the Vale of Glamorgan and now lives in Swansea, said he was placed with his first foster family after what he described as a turbulent start to life with his birth parents.
Up until then, he said he had been “raised on biscuits and sweets.”
Sam recently accessed his care files, which he says revealed shocking details about his condition as a young child.
“In the files, it says that my hair was quite thin because I hadn’t been washed properly, I was dirty, I had flea bites all over my legs,” he said. “I had diarrhoea because I had never eaten fruit and vegetables before. I was aggressive, angry, I used to swear all the time.”
Sam said the first time he remembers feeling truly loved was after being placed with a local authority foster family.
“The foster parents I was with put in structure, routine, slowly exposed me to normality,” he explained. “I started doing well in school, they noticed my potential, my reading improved.
“They saw progress to a crazy level because I was in the right environment. And that is one of the key messages I want to say to a foster parent. You can provide an environment that we can grow in, that we couldn’t grow in before.”
Sam lived with several foster carers throughout his childhood, and estimates he was placed with around 15 foster families overall, although five of those placements lasted a number of years.
He went on to attend university at the age of 18 and later became a primary school teacher.
Like many adults who have experienced the care system, he says he has spent years processing and overcoming childhood trauma.
Sam now shares his story with thousands of followers on TikTok through his account, @lessonsfromcare, where he connects with care-experienced adults, young people currently in care, foster carers and social workers.
He has partnered with Foster Wales, the national network of local authority fostering teams, as part of Foster Care Fortnight, the annual campaign run by The Fostering Network.
This year’s theme is This is Fostering, and the campaign runs from May 11 to May 24, aiming to highlight the realities of fostering in Wales.
Sam said he wants to show just how much small moments can mean to children in care.
“Foster carers don’t have to be superheroes,” he said. “They don’t have to be perfect. They just need to provide safety, emotional safety, but also physical safety.”
He hopes his story will encourage more people to consider fostering, and reassured those who feel uncertain that nerves can be a positive sign.
“The best foster carers are the ones who are a little bit nervous, self-critical, self-reflective, worried that they’re going to get it wrong,” he said. “Because they are the ones who genuinely care.
“It’s a huge privilege but it’s also a huge responsibility.”
Sam also spoke candidly about his relationship with his birth parents, which he described as sporadic before both of them passed away.
His care files describe how his mother suffered with chronic back pain after a slipped disc, becoming reliant on medication before turning to harder drugs. They also describe her as a known shoplifter, stealing to fund addiction and provide for her children.
Sam said he was often sent to nursery without appropriate clothing and without being properly washed.
His mother died when he was 25.
“I think my mum loved me; she just couldn’t meet my needs,” he said. “I have so much love and compassion for her.”
Sam’s father died when he was 16, around the time he moved to a new foster placement, which he described as one of the most difficult periods of his life.
However, he said it became a turning point that pushed him to focus on education.
“I thought, I’ve lost my dad, he’s not coming to save me. What have I got control of? My education,” he said.
He credited teachers, social workers and his final foster carers for helping him achieve his ambitions.
“My next foster carer was phenomenal,” he said. “They were the pinnacle really, in pushing me to get to university because I was in an awful place emotionally. I was a very deep, overthinking child that just needed a bit of encouragement.”
Sam described his final foster family as “legends” and recalled the moment he first arrived.
“The first thing he said to me was, ‘You treat this house like it’s your house,’” Sam said. “Obviously there were boundaries, but I was treated my age, given a little bit of freedom. I was treated like a normal 17-year-old.
“They got me my first job in a local pub; they gave me a place to be and focus on my A-Levels and get to university. I always wanted to be a teacher, and I worked hard for it.”
Sam has remained in contact with the family and later visited them in Spain after they moved abroad.
He said fostering can change the course of a child’s life.
“The second thing I would say is what a difference you can make,” he said. “In my story, where I go from the environment with my mum to my foster parents, I saw real progress. That’s what you can provide to a child. You literally change the trajectory of someone’s life.”
For more information about fostering with your local authority, visit fosterwales.gov.wales.
